Mary Keightley's Blog

We must change how we think about a problem so that we can get a solution. During a coaching session a lady who was going through a fairly acrimonious divorce told me she was not coping. She just wanted to cry all of the time. I asked her what age she was, (she replied 37), I asked her what age she was when she met her husband (she replied 35) I asked her if her mother was alive (she replied yes) I asked her was her mother’s mother, her grandmother was alive (she replied yes) So I said let’s say you live to you are 80! Let’s take a look at the facts. 1. You had 34 years before you met your husband right? (she said right) 2. When you divorce you will be 38 right? (she said right) 3. If you live to you are 80 you will have 42 years after you divorce him right? (she said right). 4. When you are 80 you can look back at your life and know that you lived 3 years with this guy 77 without him. He was a tiny part of your life. Right? (she said right) 5. So remind me what was the problem? (she replied I don’t have one do I?)

It is interesting to watch the debate on what the X factor judges say (the feedback to the contestants) and whether or not this has any influence on the behaviour of the Public vote. Derren Brown hit the nail on the head when he was a guest on the celebrity panel with Holly Willoughby on Xtra factor. He said Louis Walsh said “People don’t like you Danyl, you are not connecting with the public” the next few weeks demonstrated the power of Louis Walsh’s words. The ensuing public and media backlash demonstrated the power of the embedded command “People don’t like you”. This all the more surprising as in Simon’s opinion Danyl is the best singer in the competition and was the hot favourite to win! Louis may not know what NLP is but what he said was an “embedded command” Joe Public was listening and obeyed your instructions. Every word carries meaning, so be careful what you say.